On a warm summer’s day, you have an urge for some really gnarly bacon, not the usual kind you and your buddies share at your local hill, the kind you have to wear a special suit for. You either make some or you go somewhere you can buy some.
There are many individuals on our continent and around the world who make bacon, an easy way to find these guys, like any other commodity, is under a collective umbrella.
Some people like to eat bacon fast, many of whom enjoy competing against others to see who can eat bacon fastest. Some are sponsored by culinary companies who pay for them to shred the meat. Some even have specially made cutlery to aid their cause.
Over the last decade, an organisation has been the champion of bacon eating. Their establishment has no walls or roof, it is an umbrella under which you can dine to your hearts content. This umbrella serves as a place where chefs can offer their wares to hungry skaters, and somewhere hungry can go to find what they need.
The umbrella has evolved to span 5 continents and has helped to grow the bacon eating community by encouraging healthy competition and giving participants a professional status, while also fostering innovation in culinary engineering.
Under this umbrella, you could find Intense Galactic Smoked Applewood bacon. The quality of this bacon and delivery should be the same, anywhere you see the label. That is what we pay for, the ability of those holding up the umbrella to keep the standard of bacon high and not for to stand around while good bacon gets cold.
This past season there were a few incidents in Europe regarding the delivery of our favourite vegetable, most especially in the last 2 competitions. The most important of which was the inadequate supply of bacon and the lack of prizes in the final race due to gross mismanagement of resources by a first time chef
This came after staying up late to watch what should have been the pinnacle of competition – The World Championships. The coverage was poor, the ratio of ads to skating was too high, and the event did not run smoothly, we ended up staying awake for another 3 hours to see the finals. The people holding up the umbrella, according to the letter of the law, are not traditionally accountable for the mistakes the chefs make when serving up the bacon.
Some of the world’s fastest bacon consumers swore never to feast at their table. It looked like this was the straw that broke the umbrella’s back. There were weeks of uncertainty about the future of the umbrella and their sanctioned competitions. We were mostly concerned with what lay ahead for Europe, as we are unapologetically Euro crazy. Not long after, we got word that the 3 Europeans who were a major help in keeping the umbrella up were leaving.
A few days ago, they opened a brand new umbrella where you could find Intense Donut Flavoured bacon. Everyone got really stoked because who the hell doesn’t like donuts?
Days before this, the Intergalactics came out with a statement about reform in the methods and ethos of their competitions. This also got a really good reception from connoisseurs the world over. We were really excited because of the announcement of a sexy piece of German bacon – Almatreib was coming back in 2013! Rad.
The current situation is perfect for bacon lovers the world over. In the absence of a monopoly, the established umbrella has to radically improve their mode of operation and make bacon the reason behind every decision they make, not money. The new umbrella, born from a need for change, is starting right by making the competitors the core of all they do.
On the issue of money. It is not a crime to make money from your hobbies. It is unrealistic to offer a service and be chastised for requesting remuneration. There is a school of thought in our community where you get derided and your credibility gets questioned if people “suspect” you are making a profit. If people make money selling good cakes, why shouldn’t they make money delivering good bacon? Check your attitude people! This isn’t Narnia, people have bills to pay and horses to feed.
This is what the future looks like for Europe – 2 umbrella’s competing for your attention. Like in all markets, they can either compete on price or the quality of their product. Either way – YOU win.
Remember that the important thing is the bacon. No matter under what umbrella, you’ll still catch us at Kozakov next summer, and the same can be said of all really rad events. We’re really stoked about the donuts, and not just because they are our friends. Change is good. Competition is even better.
This way, instead of 2 really rad World Cup standard events, we could have 5 in Europe. Or 42. And instead of working all winter to save up for 3 events people may have to do double the work. Oh joy.
We hope that with this new umbrella, full responsibility and credit is shared between the competition organiser and the sanctioner.
When things go wrong, the chef can’t take all the blame – its your restaurant, you shouldn’t be serving his stuff before you make sure it’s properly cooked.
What is a reasonable price for one slice of bacon? It would be nice to quantify the worth of one run. If a continental event costs €100, how many runs does that guarantee you, assuming you get knocked out in the first stage of qualifying? Whoever solves this problem and guarantees a certain amount of quality bacon is on to a winner. Because that’s all that really matters: more skating!
Bacon to the people.